Monday, April 7, 2003

Banned on Account of Chronic Nudity

Los Feliz, CA:
LONDON - Mark Roberts, after 273 streaks, is required to surrender his passport when any English soccer team plays abroad. He has streaked at the Wimbledon Men’s Final, a jaunt that ended when a large girl from the Navy tackled him, and at the Liberal Democrats conference in London with “General Erection” written on his flabby chest.
The Streaker's Website

Sunday, April 6, 2003

Instructional Body Art

Los Feliz, CA:
LONDON - Frances Polack, an 85 year-old widow and former nurse, had the words "Do Not Resuscitated" tattooed above her floppy breasts. She had seen too many people brought back from the abyss only to relive the cold grip of death in the near future, and said, "I don't want to die twice."