My Book is out!

Los Feliz, CA :

Professional Short Films with Autodesk 3ds Max Buy it quick; there is only one copy left on Amazon.com.

Romanian Dispatches

Brasov, Romania (reflecting):
Romanian Dispatches: My thoughts on my recent time in Romania back in August.

The Fight Against Dizziness

Hollywood, CA:
Lementing the childhood ability to tolerate dizziness, I have started on exersize regiment. Daily I am building up my power by spinning in my chair longer and longer each day. Today I am doing 4 sets of twelve rotations (2 in each direction). With this power I will be able to conquer the world.

I had to shave the moustach from my goatee so I can wear a SCUBA mask. I am heading to Fiji soon. But first I'm going to Brasov, Romania for three weeks.

I got a new Canon 20D so expect a lot of pictures soon.

The Primmies

Los Feliz, CA:
Witness the launch of 'the Primmies©'. The first installment of the new Sticky-Note Theater©. Profanity Warning!

Hollywood

North Hollywood, CA:
Hollywood has become a coverband.

Europe According to Chris

Los Feliz, CA:
Europe According to Chris

Experience - But to What End?

Los Feliz, CA:
Beset by a whim, as I often am, and enveloped in curiosity, if not the very curiosity which prays on cats one quite similar, I had a soldier's meal tonight. The soldier's meal is an MRE or Meal Ready to Eat and it can survive a 1000 foot drop. The tough brown plastic bag in which it came, suspiciously labeled 'Chicken a la King,' required scissors to invade. A grab bag of olive-drab packets and boxes, my meal seamed like it had everything to satisfy the modern, on-the-go fighting man.

The Chicken a la King itself, in an olive drab packet hidden inside an olive-drab box, tasted like a chicken pot-pie. Not a Swanson Chicken Pot-Pie but a lower-case store brand chicken pot pie missing a crust. It was edible enough and I suspect would be quite welcome after a hard day of marching and saluting, but I suspect further that after being shot at I'd have to put some of the salt from Accessory Pack A* in to liven things up a bit.

There were crackers with which to scoop up some of the lower case, crust free, pot-pie with, but after tasting them I considered going back to the included plastic spoon, which tasted slightly different. At first I double checked to make sure I'd actually opened the crackers and not the Paper Toilet (yes the order of those words is correct) found in Accessory Pack A*

One of the most fascinating bits in the whole affair was the Maple Nut Cake. I was intriged that this kind of confectionary was included. When I picked up the packet it was hard and heavy. Perhaps you remember sqeezing all the empty space out of bread as a kid and eating as a tight hard lump, well imagining this you be close to what an MRE Maple Nut Cake is like. It tasted like one of the less reputable pastery brands that convinience stores--the kind with overly large booze and porn magazine sections--would let collect dust until a desperate soul in dire need of pay-telephone change gives into the store's draconian no change without purchase policy.

Next up was the powdered coffee, creamer substitute, and six gram sugar packet ensemble. While it may be my fault for not having a mil-spec canteen one-third full as the directions required, the beverage was not awful, but an insipid semi-satisfaction for this non-coffee achiever.

I was left full despite not finishing the chocolate covered cookie or the air-spaceless Maple Nut Cake, and completely avoiding the strangely colored brown cheese spread that tasted like any other strangely colored brown cheese spread that you might encounter. In fact I'll go so far as to claim satisfaction. But then I grew up on Corned Beef Hash and canned spinach topped with Miracle Whip on the side, a delicacy my dad passed on like an heirloom from his somewhat impoverished childhood. Which is kind of fitting in a stretched connection sort of way, since he used this strange diet as fuel in his imaginary ambushes on the North Koreans as they attempted to invade El Cajon, CA by way of the low mountains of Alpine a few miles to the East.

*Accessory Pack A
-Coffee-Cream Substitute
-Sugar
-Salt
-Chewing Gum (a bit rocky at first but it settles down to be merely inedible)
-Matches
-Paper Toilet (in too small of a portion considered what sort of mess the meal may leave you in)

Vacant Planet

I have just lunched Vacant Planet.com. The site will follow the production of a series of animated short films. I hope to bring all aspects of this work to you so you can see what's involved.

Banned on Account of Chronic Nudity

Los Feliz, CA:
LONDON - Mark Roberts, after 273 streaks, is required to surrender his passport when any English soccer team plays abroad. He has streaked at the Wimbledon Men’s Final, a jaunt that ended when a large girl from the Navy tackled him, and at the Liberal Democrats conference in London with “General Erection” written on his flabby chest.
The Streaker's Website

Instructional Body Art

Los Feliz, CA:
LONDON - Frances Polack, an 85 year-old widow and former nurse, had the words "Do Not Resuscitated" tattooed above her floppy breasts. She had seen too many people brought back from the abyss only to relive the cold grip of death in the near future, and said, "I don't want to die twice."

Shopping Cart Speed Record Set

Though suffering from a broken shoulder and various raspberries, the magnitude of her record breaking run is not lost on one vancouver tart. While careering down a hill in Burnaby this thrill-seeking dolly managed 45 miles per hour before the fine-tuned steering of the shopping buggy gave out.

In Da Club

While researching the previous bit I came across the lyrics for a song for the unsensation 50 Cent called 'In Da Club.' Right away I was giggling again, not because of the street pronounciation of "the," but the rather childish way of spelling it out as "Da." There's a billboard of Snoop Dawg in Hollywood with similar silliness. How am I supposed to take my Rap Music seriously of the Gangstas who chant it have all the street credibility of a Little Rascals. What's next, are the Rappers going to start putting their R's backwards as well?

Wake Up Little Suzy

Los Feliz, CA:
I was thinking about the lyrics to the song "Wake Up Suzy" by Buddy Holly and I couldn't stop giggling. He says "Our reputation's shot." Does anyone really believe that he'd be worried rumors of him shagging this dame would get around. Most likely he'd be adding to them by hinting at all the silly things he got her to do. Say like, taking it up the dupper or what ever. "What are we going to tell our friends when they say 'Ooh, la la?'" Even back in the fifties who would hang out with people who say 'Ooh, la la?'

Fuck the Lawyers, We'll Arm-Wrestle For It.

Los Feliz, CA:
Wellington, New Zealand - Two CEO's recently resolved a despute between their respective companies by a best-of-three arm-wrestling match. At stake for the telecommunications companies was a $112,000 (NZ $200,00) deal involving access to a mobile radio network

Cheers, mates! Keep it out of the courts.